M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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