I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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