hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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