i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
