i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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