you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
