dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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