God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
