I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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