Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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