ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm really busy with my period
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