When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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