we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
