wanna go halves on a baby?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
