So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
