I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Randomize
