Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
