Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
