Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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