Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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