so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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