It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
