Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
