is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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