everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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