i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Enjoy the penises
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
