im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
