Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
