Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
