Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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