Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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