Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
