I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
