happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
