Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
