and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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