My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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