Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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