I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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