guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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