I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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