You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize