Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
