Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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