youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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