ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
