im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
