I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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