I am puke
the condom got lost in my hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
