My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
