I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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