Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
