I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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