weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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