Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
