So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
