If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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