Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
