Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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